So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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