yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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