3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Found your dick twin last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
