I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
