the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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