so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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