is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
