Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
