i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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