once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize