i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
