So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
