This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
