Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
