people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
