people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
