I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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