mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
