Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
