...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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