Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
