I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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