It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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