cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
