Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
