Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
