Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
