I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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