I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
