Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
