Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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