Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
