I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
