Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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