i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
