you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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