I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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