Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize