I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
