he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
