Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
