I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
