Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How's work?
Spinning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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