Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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