i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
