True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
