AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
