Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
