Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
