He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
