glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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