Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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