just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Found your dick twin last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
