Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
