Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found the puke drawer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
