Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
