this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
