i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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