when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
