Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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