i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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