I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
