god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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