Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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