Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
