Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
