I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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