just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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