she smelled like a LAN party
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
