he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girls should come with a carfax report
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
