I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
