It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
