Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
