Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
