R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
