some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
