Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
