In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
