ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
