Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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