I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
