3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
