I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
